Live In Love

It’s New Years Eve.  The time of reflection, contemplation, resolutions and life changing decisions.  People all over the world spend tonight thinking about what they want to do with their lives, and how they can improve it in some way or another.  For most people it’s a time of celebration.  Many of you have a party to attend this evening.  Some of you get together with family.  Food and fireworks are usually involved in these celebrations. Almost all of the world will count backwards from 10 as the infamous ball drops in Time Square. Cheers and toasts will begin. At the stroke of midnight promises are made that are sealed with a kiss. We all say goodbye to one year and hello to another.

Unfortunately there are some people who, after the reflection and contemplation, do not make a resolution based on hope and inspiration. There isn’t a toast, a hug nor a kiss.  The thought of living whatever sadness they are currently living is unbearable. The idea of doing it all over again is impossible.  These people would rather end it all than imagine a new beginning or another way.  The idea of starting over isn’t even a possibility, it’s painful.

I have a friend I’ve known since junior high.  We grew up together and he recently resurfaced in my life.  I was aware he didn’t have plans for the evening so I invited him over for fireworks. This person is one who always cares.  He’s a silent supporter of those in need.  His response made me sad. Sad for him!  I couldn’t imagine spending my New Years Eve the way he is spending his.  When I offered for him to come over, he denied my invitation.  He told me he couldn’t come because his mother was trying to kill herself. What could I say to that?  All I could say was that I’m so sorry and if there is anything I can do, I’m here. 

Sadly, when the majority of the world is promising tomorrow, many people are ending  themselves today.  Suicide during the holidays is an uncomfortable fact that most of us don’t talk about. Many people think they don’t have anyone to talk to.  They believe they don’t have someone who cares.  If they only knew.  If they only knew the amount of people who do care.  There are support groups all over the world who donate their time to be available just for those in need.  

They are there because they care. They are there because they choose love.

Then there are those like an angel I know.  Not a biblical angel, but a human angel.  Actually I jokingly call him a superhero.  He spends his nights volunteering for search and rescue. He is a friend of a friend who recently became my friend.  In a confession he expresses his ongoing emotions after countless nights of selfless searching. In an email he writes,”It certainly has its highs and lows. We get to see the highs (like yesterday) of passing a little girl with autism over to her crying, happy parents….to the very stressful lows a couple of weeks ago of idling along the coastline in the snow, looking for the body of a suicide victim. I don’t know u well enuf yet to share the really upsetting details of that, but let me summarize by painting a lil picture. Every second of every hour, every little ripple on the water could be the person, and then trying to respectfully get them on a small boat and bring the body back to the dock ‎….well, let’s just say it is mentally and physically exhausting. Then, when all that drama is over and the adrenalin stops, you drive home alone. And little tears of sadness for what happened, happiness that the family at least has closure on the event, run down my face. Then you pull it together, go back to “normal life”, and spend days being bombarded with curiosity questions from people about “what happened”. These people mean well perhaps, but they make u re-think it, and that isn’t real helpful.” He expressed these thoughts after admitting he’s spent his past two years on New Years Eve, searching for suicides.

I was afraid to use his words as they were expressed in confidence. I sent him an email asking for his permission.  In response he says, “I do think it is a positive to point out there are people out there that have got ur back, whether u know it or not. I think that is a pretty encouraging thing for me anyway. ‎And maybe for people having a bad day. There are people u don’t know that care about u, and train endlessly to find ways to find you. Actually we take courses on tracking, and the psychology of victims. If we can understand what u feel, maybe we can find u sooner. It is very scientific, and based on endless statistical data from searches all over Canada and the US. What we do is not random, it is very precise and based on past history and math. Believe it or not. But in the end, it is endless hours by everyday people who give up their jobs and family, to do what they do.”

This blog started as an attempt to send a positive message to those in need. To give hope to the ones who feel alone.  It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t express my true emotions and right now I feel anger.  It’s caught me off guard.

Suicide is selfish!

You get to end it all. You just go away and don’t deal with anything anymore.  You leave behind all the people who love you to question why they couldn’t help you.  They’re left doubting themselves because they feel they failed you. 

Why be so selfish to so many people who love you?

For every person that doesn’t care, there are 100 people who do care.  

Ask for help.  Talk to someone.  Anyone!

You would be surprised to know the amount of people in this world who would stop their lives just to make sure that your life continued.

If you feel alone! If you want to end it! If you have no hope for tomorrow or no reason to wake up! Do one thing for me if you happen to be reading this.  

Try this simple meditation.  Close your eyes.  Take a deep inhale. Now slowly exhale.  Repeat these words.  I AM LOVE! Say it again.  And again, over and over.  Don’t think about anything. Just say it.  Block out all thoughts and say…I am love.

You won’t believe it at first. Just do it! It’s ok to cry! I don’t care if it hurts! Just say it! Over and over again repeat…I am love.

Love is universal and if you ever feel unconnected just repeat…I am love…and connect yourself with all that there is. All that there ever will be is love. 

 The only way to ever be ok is if you live in love. If you love yourself, whatever you’re feeling will dissipate.  It will go away but you have to love.

All those people who are here for you, they love you even when you don’t love yourself. I don’t care if you don’t believe me, I love you!

If you end it, you hurt them, not you. They would never hurt you, so why hurt them?  

They love you whether you believe it or not!  Now you need to love you! Happy New Years to all and learn to let love in!