Things Never Go As Planned

It’s Friday night, I had planned to go to Scores for the grand opening here in Tonawanda, NY but I’m just not feeling it.  Instead I’ve spent me time.  I did exactly what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.

At this point in my evening I just want to chill.  I’m listening to 90s R&B on Google play and TLC’s,  Red Light Special is playing.  I can’t explain how perfect this song is for the room I’m staying in at Kristen’s house.  Her guest room is the red and black room. It has black walls.  Red satin curtains, a red tube light around the ceiling, a black and red comforter and black and red chaise lounge.  The decor is eclectic like the rest of her house and I’m so comfortable here because she’s the only other person in the world I know who decorates just like I do.  We’re both eccentrically eclectic, with bold pops of color and mixed themes that only go because we put them together and everyone wants to and always copies. I don’t care if they do either, I hate white walls and boring rooms. So go for it, use my ideas.  I’m a muse, it’s part of it.  And yes. Kristen’s room is a sexy room and I’m comfortable here.  Red light special is the most fitting song to enjoy my roasted and salted no shell pistachios while I share my thoughts with all of you.

I’m not sure where my thought are leading me tonight so you’re coming on my mental journey with me this evening.  I know I’m starting with my thinking about how I planned to go to Scores, but things never go as planned. Or maybe I could just be comfortable and looking for an excuse.

My flight to Myrtle is booked, I have enough money to eat and live and I’ve already arranged my travel.  I did my hair and nails so I could realistically just workout, tan and prep for Myrtle.  I’ll just take it one day at a time and see how the weekend unfolds.  We were going to Manhattan, that didn’t happen.  Who knows what will happen before I fly out Tuesday. Things never go as planned

Look at last weekend.  I planned to go home to visit Michigan so many times in the last year.  At least four attempts and never made it.  Last weekend I say, “Hey my birthday is on mothers day and it’s only a 4 hr drive” and just like that I went. It was the perfect vacation, that would never have happened had I planned it.  Spontaneous adventures are always the best.  Planned ones leave too much room for life to happen.  Life throws diversions.  Some good and some bad but if you don’t just do it, you may never do it.

I’m glad I did it.  My kids asked to stay with my mom.  That has never happened.  I’ve only left my kids with my ex husband’s family.  This is a first.  My dad had them one night and my ex’s mom picked them up the next day.  It feels meant to be.  This is the first time I’ve gone away to work, longer than one night and left my children, that I deep down inside don’t feel guilty.  I know my ex’s family loves the boys but it’s different for me to leave them with my family.  I can’t explain it but it’s different.

I get a phone call from a family member today.  She doesn’t read my blog and doesn’t follow my Facebook anymore cause I’m too sexy for her taste.  I understand and appreciate her concern, but my point is, she won’t know I’m breaking confidentiality because she doesn’t read this.  The only way she’ll know is if one of the other members of the family who do read this tells her.  BTW when I say confidentiality, here’s what I mean.  My family says this thing on the phone.  They say:

“don’t tell anyone I told you”

 The thing about that is

they say it to everyone.

10 times in one day, “don’t tell anyone I told you”

then you get another call from someone else and guess what?

They are telling you the same story, but their version goes.

” I’m not suppose to tell you this, so don’t tell anyone I told you”

That’s my family for you.  No one can keep a secret. I wish I could treat the gossip like telemarketers and put them all on a “do not call” list.   My phone would only work when there’s no gossip involved.  That would be perfect.

Today some of the gossip was important and I’d like my family to not take it personally and not sell me out. The unnamed person called me today and said that my mother’s doctor pulled her aside and said that my mom’s not doing well and her COPD is bad.  If she doesn’t take it seriously she could die. I’m not ready to loose my mom.  She’s so stubborn she’s running herself into an early death trying to please and do for everyone around her.  There’s plenty of capable people that need to pull together right now to make sure she shouldn’t lift a finger for anyone else’s benefit.  Instead you all are killing her.  I don’t want my children’s being there be the last memory they have of her.  I want it to be the first of many future vacations. So please instead of attacking the person who told me for telling me, direct your energy towards making a positive change.

Ok, changing the mood because that made me look for my wine glass.

It really is kismet having the kids stay with my family right now.  If things went as planned, I’d have a full time sitter and only traveling events.  Life happened and it is still part of the plan.  A big part of the plan and I found the perfect sitter for my boys.  She’s been so patient with me lately and I’m so thankful.  Financially though, this delay is a blessing.  One plane ticket is a lot cheaper than 4 and friends couches saves tons on hotel costs. Life is seriously hooking me up at the moment.  My gratitude is on overdrive.

That last vacation at my mothers was healing and so is this time with Kristen.  I’m sitting in her comfortable room in her uniquely decorated house.  I have the closet light on so I can see my clothes that I’ve hung the way I like it in my particular way.  Hanging my clothes was part of my me time today.

I love my clothes

I have lived rent and mortgage free for almost a year now.  I don’t have a home, but I have multiple lives spread around the states in suitcases.

Just thinking about it, I really do.  At my sister’s house in Deerfield Beach I have about 6 plastic totes full of clothes and things I picked up when I was there.  I was planning on moving back to south Florida and I aborted that mission when the RV idea came back into play.  Again another path not taken. Things didn’t go as planned

I have a storage unit outside of Daytona Beach.  Full of things I bought before I decided to go mobile.  I even add to it.  I fill up a suitcase with shopping and traveling.  Then I dump it in storage and start over with a new suitcase.  I just really love my clothes.  I have that in common with Kristen too.  For 20 years her and I always have stayed on point with keeping our personal styles.

Here at Kristen’s house I have a closet full of clothes.  I brought a small winter wardrobe.  Took myself birthday shopping because when you don’t have a man, you don’t get to go shopping 😦  I did go shopping though.  I needed it, I wanted it and I did it.

I have the same at Chelsea’s house.  I have a whole life in a suitcase.  I have stuff at my mom’s and my ex husband’s moms house too.  Maybe that’s why I can be so comfortable not having a home of record.  I have multiple homes with many back up lives that I can start living at any moment.

I’m blessed beyond belief and can achieve my dreams with the best support system possible. I like the comfort of my back up lives, but I want to keep moving until I know where I want to be.

Nothing ever goes as planned but everywhere you do go, take nothing but memories and pictures. Leave the drama behind and enter with a smile.

I’m getting sleepy and this playlist has lost my attention. I’m off to my dream world and my dream world is a really fun place to be.

Sweet dreams

🙂

Amanda’s Day is Coming….Oh Shit Son!

I want to take you guys back to 2002.  I was living in Cooper City, Florida in a huge house with all my stripper family.  Kristen and I were inseparable.  We did everything together.  So when her two younger sisters Amanda and Danielle were coming to visit Miami for the first time, it was Kristen and I who were to show them a good time. We took them to South Beach and we took a trip to Orlando to take them to Universal, where Kristen and I loved to get away and blow off some Miami steam.

I instantly formed a bond with Amanda. Danielle is a great girl but something about Amanda’s personality really connected with mine.  She had a saying she brought down from Buffalo that I still use to this day.  She would say, “Oh Shit Son”  with a Harlem, Eastern New York slang to it. At that time I was rockin Sean Jean sweat suits and K Swiss tennis shoes. I had so many pairs of K Swiss, all shinny white.  Once they were scuffed, I’d get a new pair. Amanda and I ran around Universal sayin O Shit son.  Hanging upside down in Dr. Seuss land was my most vivid memory of the short time I had with her.

Fast Forward to 2004.  I’m in Buffalo with my future ex husband.  We’re visiting Kristen for a funeral.  Not Amanda’s, she was there.  Their mother Leslie opened her home to us.  We had taco night and went trick or treating with Kristen’s nieces.  They are a normal family just trying to make it. The house was full of love and of course normal sibling rivalry, but that’s everywhere. I left Buffalo with fond memories of the family. Kristen is and always has been a sister to me.  I’ve been through deeper things with her than my own sisters.  We’ve fought together, bleed together, cried together and laughed together…laughed so much sometimes we cried from laughter.

I left Buffalo and my life went on.  I had children and Kristen lost a child.  Then she had children.  Every change we were there for each other. If not physically, a phone call away.

Fast Forward again to December 5, 2008, I get a phone call from Kristen. She’s crying.  I can feel the chills creeping up my legs and the lump in my throat as I attempt to remenice on that moment.  That moment in time when our lives would never be the same.  Kristen is crying and she says Amanda is missing.

They looked for her day in and day out for 8 weeks.  8 weeks the family didn’t give up.  Then January 9th 2009 they found Amanda.

Not the smiling blonde hair, blue eyes, wanted to be a model, full of life and full of laughter Amanda we all knew

They found Amanda naked, frozen and upside down in a garbage tote.  Exactly where she was last seen and dropped off.

Can you imagine what a freakish pedophile can do to young woman in 8 weeks???  She didn’t die when she was missing.  He tortured and fucked her until he was done with her. Then when she would no longer perform for him and her body died and gave out, he just threw her out with the trash.

Her body was BEATEN! RAPED! and MURDERED!

Buffalo police were quick to brush the investigation off as an accidental overdose.

The family didn’t believe that and they didn’t give up.

This next excerpt I copied from JusticeforAmanda.com  a page the family has created to spread the word and they have a go fund me set up to pay for reward.

“Ruled by Four of Erie County’s medical examiners that Amanda dies of a accidental overdose. We had Amanda exhumed where we had a private autopsy done. The manner of death was determined to be homicide due to strangulation! Amanda’s death has brought up one thing after another that made it just a little more concrete that our judicial system was attempting to sweep this under the rug! Erie County refused to release all of the evidence to our private medical examiner Dr Silvia Comparini. We fought for this evidence to be released to us. they did rule in our favor, but we still to this day are waiting for 12 slides. When we exhumed Amanda there was multiple organs missing from her remains. Erie County claimed they didn’t know where they were! They never told us there was GHB in Amanda’s system. Or that Adam Patterson’s or Antoine Garner’s DNA was on Amanda, until a paper fell out during a meeting with our attorneys. To say they were upset was a understatement Dr. Malone (assistant medical examiner) slammed the door taking the file exclaiming “the meeting was over”! Fingerprints were never ran on Garbage can Amanda was found in. Even though detectives said they asked multiple times.  The public knows as well as our family Amanda was murdered! Not only did monsters murder her, but our own judicial system has failed us!! They covered up Amanda’s murder! There is so much evidence but still Amanda’s murderers remain uncharged and her death certificate says accidental. Follow my family and support us in our journey to get justice!!”

The family created a petition.  With the help of a few volunteers and friends and family members, the petition is growing.

Now they need to have her DNA retested and the family is saving for that. The hearing is right around the corner.

It is my belief that there is a mole in the organization.  Justice for Amanda took on humanitarians to help the busy family when there was just so much to do.

One individual started using the page for his own personal agenda.  Kristen and the family decided they didn’t need his help.  Now he’s personally attacking the family.  Trying to get the go fund me reported as fraud.  William, if you’re a humanitarian like you say.  Who cares about any personal vendetta you have.  The important fact here is Amanda gets justice.

I know the family personally.  I’ve witnessed their grieving.  I’ve seen years of tears shed.  I stood by and watched every year a family not give up on their loved one.

So what if you got booted off the case.  You have no right to distract the matter at hand.  That matter is Amanda and her Justice.  The go fund me is for her!!! Not your personal use.  The people who liked that page that you took, liked it because they want to know and be a part of what happens to Amanda’s case.  Any humanitarian wouldn’t have taken this completely out of context like you.  I believe you we hired by Buffalo PD to distract the investigation.  If I’m wrong, step off and let the family find their Justice.

For more information on the case you can go to

http://www.justiceforamanda.com

and on Facebook, join the group

Amanda’s Day is Coming!! Justice for Amanda

If you’re interested in donating, contact Kristen Lynette Mccrea on the facebook page.

Wouldn’t it be a beautiful thing to see after all these years the papers say, Amanda Wienckowski death caused by strangulation…not overdose…..Oh Shit Son…I can see it, can you?

We love you Amanda

🙂